Dear amai, I am 40-year-old woman and I am married to a man of the same age. We are blessed with three teenage children. As a couple, we are both gainfully employed. However, my husband only assists his side of the family in most cases. This pushed me to join a ladies mukando group in our neighbourhood.
My hope was that I would then be able to send money to my own parents secretly. A few days ago, I do not know how my husband got wind of this club. He approached me angrily. He stated that he wanted to know why I never told him and what I was doing with the proceeds from the club.
I once complained about his one-sidedness and he bluntly said he was not duty bound to look after my parents instead it was my brothers duty to do so. There is a lot of tension in our home, we are not talking. It is mostly one-word answers. I do not even know where to begin from amai please help.
Response
Hello and thank you so much for reaching out to me. From what you mentioned, I can tell that there is a lack of communication in your home. You do not work as a team. You are married and this means you are one unit. Bickering over who should send what to who is uncalled for. Your parents will always be your parents despite your gender and you should play your part religiously in their upkeep.
In a good marriage, there should not be any skeletons in the closet. I suggest you come clean and tell him the truth, lying will not get you anywhere. Have a candid talk and speak your mind, he should also fully express himself. Do not compete when it comes to helping your parents out, there is no standard format for this.
Professional counselling will help you both. Please keep me posted.
