Thank you for your column. I am a 26 year old married mother of one. I have a loving 28 year old husband. My mother died when I was six months old. I was too young to remember her. My father tells me that he had to go back and rekindle his love with his old flame and that he felt he had let her down when he married my mother. My mother died in a bus crash, she was the only person who died. Only God knows why. My father’s people were not keen to look after me since I was so young. My grandparents are still alive and so are my father’s siblings.
My father faced with this challenge remarried quickly and my step mother took over and looked after me as her own child. People from my father’s side were quick to accuse my father of having ignored the mourning period and said vapisa guva and that would cause problems in the family. My step mum has one child with my dad so we are two. She is an angel, I was well looked after and went to some of the best schools in the country. She accompanies me to my mother’s family during fortunate and unfortunate times and they have embraced her.
For my wedding she really went out of her way to make it a five star wedding. The problem now is one of my tetes the eldest in dad’s family is saying my step mum is the one who bewitched my mother and caused her death. My two female cousins who are not married are saying all sorts of things fingering my step mom as the reason why their fortunes are not looking up. Tete says she was told by a certain prophet that my step mum should be sent packing otherwise problems will mount in the family. They are trying to influence me and my father we are under immense pressure. My step mum is the mother I have known all my life and she has a heart of gold. How can I help her because I don’t like the way she is being treated right now? Do these prophets tell the truth amai? Do you think my father will be moved by what his family is saying?
Response
Thank you for writing in, your letter touched my heart. I am glad that you are in a happy marriage and that your parents put you through school. Let me dispel the school of thought from tete that your mother was bewitched by your step mum. The only person who can determine life is God almighty so he allowed it to happen. Accidents are very common some are caused by defective vehicles and some are caused by human error. It’s very unfortunate that after the death of your mother no one offered to look after the baby. It is my hope though that your father settled for his old flame because of love first and not just to have a baby minder.
According to your letter your step mum is like your biological mum because she looked after you. Yes in our culture we have a stipulated mourning period but if there is pressure as was in your father’s case this can be over ridden. I will check with experts on how to resolve this. Your people have their priorities upside down, they rush to accuse your father of kupisa guva and jump to conclusions about who caused the accident yet they couldn’t take care of you in your infancy. What has triggered this witch hunt after so many years? It’s difficult for me to know whether some prophets are genuine or fake because there is no scientific evidence we can rely on. Faith issues are very personal and at times they can be very misleading. A lot of family relationships have been destroyed because of this.
You and your father should weigh your options don’t just be pushed about. This is the time when you should stand by your mother’s side and fight in her corner. Your cousins will eventually get married they should just wait for God’s time. Your father should stand firm and tell his family that he will not send his wife away because of unfounded suspicions. Your step mum is a shining example of a good woman. Pray for your family and for tete who is trying to pull the family apart. I would be happy to hear from you again.
