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A mother anonymously reached out to a magazine seeking advice on how to reveal a life-altering secret to her 30-year-old daughter: her brother is actually her biological father.
The woman, whose identity remains undisclosed, wrote to the Dear Therapist column in The Atlantic to explain the situation.
She revealed that her husband had two adult children from a previous relationship when they got married. The couple wanted to have a child together, but her husband had undergone a vasectomy years earlier, which could not be reversed. This left them searching for an alternative
“We didn’t want to use a sperm bank,” she wrote, “so we asked my husband’s son to be a sperm donor. We felt that was the best decision. Our child would have my husband’s genetic material, and we knew the health, personality, and intelligence of my stepson. He agreed to help us with that.”
The couple went through with their plan, and their daughter is now 30 years old. However, the mother is struggling with how to reveal the truth:
“How do we tell her that her ‘father’ is actually her grandfather, her ‘brother’ is her biological father, her ‘sister’ is her aunt, and her ‘nephew’ is her stepbrother? We are worried, confused, and struggling to tell her. This is also difficult for my husband because he wants our daughter to know that he will always be her father.”
In response to the letter, Lori Gottlieb, the columnist and a qualified psychologist, noted that the daughter would have to confront two challenging truths. Not only would she learn the identity of her biological father, but she would also realize that the ‘parents’ she has trusted have been withholding the truth for three decades.
The situation raises difficult ethical and emotional questions, and readers are encouraged to share their thoughts and opinions in the comment section.
